Sunday, June 5, 2011
Why Dwell On The Past?
Know how everyone says to not dwell on the past because it will only bring you down?
Well I say false.
"Remember what you have, and remember what you lost."
Please note that I am not saying this in a " miss your ex or past friendships" sort of manner, but in a manner where you do need to dwell on your mistakes because life works in a cyclical fashion naturally, and we need to prevent them from entering our lives once more.
Ever notice how people go back to their exes, or forgive too easily? Ever had a friend who continued to make the same mistake depending on the topic over and over again?
When I remember what "I lost", I remember those who broke me down, made me cry, used me, and talked poorly about me. I remember they were selfish, hateful, conceited, arrogant, and inconsiderate. Even today I question myself why do I put myself in the same place continuously? Why do I think people will change?
Here's the sad reality: they don't.
If someone fails you once, twice, I am 90% sure they will fail you a third time again...
Now depending on what they failed you on, they could possibly change. For example, I had a close guy friend (I thought we were at least), who was the KING of failure. Every week it was something different, and EVERY week I thought "this week will be better". Truth of the fact was: he sucked.
Believe it or not this went on for two years. Two years that I can't ever take back. Once I truly dwelled on that I was able to realize my self worth and let go.
Now onto the positives...
What I have now: friends who care for me. Just yesterday a good friend of mine from school messaged me saying how they miss having a true friend constantly by their side.
Friendship, a true one, can be one of the most rewarding experiences. Although; they do not come easily. So appreciate what you have, hold on tight, and don't let go. Conflicts arise in every relationship regardless of its' nature and severity.
Nelson Mandela once said that the key to forgiveness and reconciling relationships is to try as best as possible to understand what another has gone through.
WHY FIGHT SO MUCH?! Conflict only shrivels up the soul, and strips us of our sanity. People need to understand better, but before we have a deeper understanding some need to learn the importance of patience. Not everyone understands as easily. It's not that I don't want to understand, but I have seen an issue only in one light for the majority of a lifetime, and a simple sentence won't alter my thought process automatically. Now I am no angel in this issue. There are definitely times my frustration has taken over my rationality. We learn a great deal through pain. Why don't we take that pain, and transfer it into something healthier? Why not transfer that anger into solving the issue rather than being stuck in our own damn mindsets? When someone tells me they are frustrated with me, why don't we work towards an understanding of each other rather than just being "over it". I think that is a question of maturity, but hey, we are young. What is there to expect?
Stop playing the victim card everyone! This pervades our culture.
Does a bad carpenter blame his tools? NO.
I dwell over the people from my past, so I can enjoy the people that are part of the now.